Learn 5 effective negotiation tactics

Want to be a better negotiator? Here are some simple tips anyone can use to get more of what they want – without conflict or confrontation.

Negotiation is not a dispute or a confrontation. Great negotiators do not fight. On the ship in “Enter the Dragon,” Bruce Lee is asked to describe his style of kung fu. Bruce says, “You could call it the art of fighting without fighting.”

This is a great way to think about a negotiation. Negotiation isn’t really about competing well – negotiations are about communicating well. (This is especially true if, for example, you’re asking for a raise.)

Want to be a better negotiator? Here are some simple tips, compiled by Jeff Haden, for INC.com.

1. Listen more than you talk.

It's easy to go into a negotiation focused only on what you're going to say, especially when you're nervous.

The goal of a negotiation is not just to get what you want, but also to help the other party get what they want. (Otherwise, how would you ever make a deal?) To do that, you need to know what the other party wants – which means you need to listen.

Finding common ground means knowing a common ground.

In most cases, price is not the only thing on the table. Perhaps the other party would appreciate a longer delivery schedule.

I once wanted to buy a house, but I couldn't make the down payment right away, so I signed a contract with payments over several months as I pulled the funds together. The owner was happy about that; I basically made the payments on his house, and if I couldn't make the payment, he would keep my deposit.

2. Use time to your advantage

Often the best time to buy a car is at the end of the month; sellers need to hit their quotas, vendors want to “make” their month, etc. The same goes for real estate; home sales (and property rentals) are generally weaker in the winter months, meaning owners are more likely to negotiate.

And you can also use the lag time to your advantage. Say you want to rent a property starting in March. If you sign a 12-month lease, the landlord will have to find another tenant by next March. But if you ask for a 15-month lease, the property will be open at the beginning of the rental season, which means he or she should be more than happy to accept a lower rent amount.

And this raises an important issue.

3. Always find the right way to prepare for talks

In Negotiating Impossibility, Deepak Malhotra shows how to frame a conversation, which means finding the best perspective from which to view the negotiation. Maybe the frame is money, or time. Or delivery schedule, or quality.

In the landlord example above, price isn't the only frame. So is time. In the example of buying my house, price was a form as was time, and so was the seller's risk if I couldn't afford to pay.

Create the right conversation and you can make it easier to negotiate on the points that matter to you.

For example, let’s say you need a certain service to be performed. If you’re willing to wait for the service to be performed—or to be performed more slowly than normal—the provider may be able to accept a lower price, as your work can fit within the provider’s schedule constraints. (Think of it this way: If a client asks you to do a rush job, you’ll probably need to raise the price to accommodate the extra work, as well as the impact on your own and your other clients’ schedules. Giving the extra time should allow the provider to make concessions on other terms.)

Or if you're buying a car, implicitly frame the negotiation by waiting until the end of the month and then saying you want to buy a car right away. Frame the negotiation in terms of time for the salesperson, or frame it by going to the salesperson near the end of the day: The salesperson will be more eager to make a deal, since customers who leave saying "I'll be back" rarely return.

4. Always receive when you give.

You send a proposal to a client and they ask for a 10% discount. Simply saying that is sending a terrible message; in fact, it means that your original price was too high.

Whenever you make a concession, make sure you get something in return. Maybe you'll give a 10% discount but the delivery time will be extended. Or you'll need a larger deposit.

Also remember that you can use the same approach as the buyer. Don’t just say “I need you and I’ll knock 10% off the price”. Say “I can only afford to pay X amount, but in exchange you can open the deliveries over the next two months”. Or “I can only afford to pay X amount, but I’d be happy to sign a longer-term contract under these terms”.

This way you're not just competing; you're finding common ground by finding terms that work for both of you.

And most importantly:

5. Always be willing to walk.

Admit it, sometimes that's not possible. If your delivery truck is broken and you need to make deliveries today, a rental truck isn't really an option.

But this is a practical need, not an emotional one. In most cases, your need is emotional: You want this building; you love this car; you love this house Although there are other options, you want this one.

When you're negotiating, never do this – at least not if the price, terms, etc., aren't also what you want.

How will you know? Set those things up front. Know your numbers. Know the terms you're willing to accept. Know the value of what you're getting and what it will offer you.

The best way to be a good negotiator is to take emotion out of the equation. When it's objective – when it doesn't feel personal – you won't be hung up on winning or losing, you'll calmly work towards getting the best deal you can.

And that means, surprisingly, that you will most likely win.